You ask your child to get their shoes. They look up, smile and say "okay." Two minutes later you find them in the hallway, shoes nowhere in sight, rolling a ball for the dog.
If this happens in your house every day, you're not alone. Many parents describe the same pattern: their child agrees, seems to understand, and then the task simply doesn't happen. It can feel like defiance. Often, it's something else.
"Okay" is not the same as "done"
Following a direction looks like one skill. In practice, it's several smaller skills strung together. A child has to:
- Hear and attend to the direction while something else is going on
- Understand what is being asked, including every step inside it
- Start the task, which means stopping whatever they were doing
- Stay with it until it's finished, even when something more interesting shows up
"Okay" usually only tells us the first one happened. The breakdown can happen at any of the other steps.
A familiar morning: Maya and her shoes
This is a composite example, not a real Traina client.
Maya is 4. Her mom calls from the kitchen, "Maya, go get your shoes, we're leaving soon." Maya says "okay" and walks toward the hallway. On the way she passes the dog, who drops a ball at her feet. Five minutes later, she's still playing.
Her mom feels frustrated. Maya said okay. She knows where her shoes are. So why didn't she do it?
A BCBA would want to look a little closer before deciding what's going on.
What a BCBA would look into
When a family brings this concern to us, the team usually starts by gathering information about when it happens, not just that it happens. Some of the questions we'd explore:
Is the direction clear enough for this child?
"Get ready to go" might mean five steps to an adult. To a 4-year-old it may be too vague. Even "get your shoes" might mean "find them," "bring them" or "put them on." We look at how directions are given and whether shorter, more specific wording helps.
Is the child starting, then losing track?
Some children begin a task and get pulled away by something in the environment. That's very different from a child who never starts. The support for each one looks different.
What happens right after "okay"?
If saying "okay" ends the conversation and nothing else happens, a child can learn that "okay" is the whole job. We look at what usually follows the direction, and whether finishing the task is noticed and celebrated.
What is the child being asked to stop?
Leaving a fun activity is hard for many kids. If the direction always means "stop playing," the task itself may not be the problem. The transition is.
Does it happen everywhere, or only in some places?
If a child follows directions well at preschool but not at home, or with one adult but not another, that tells us a lot. It often points to differences in routine, cues or what happens after the task, rather than a skill the child doesn't have.
Small changes families often try first
These are general ideas, not a treatment plan. Your child's BCBA can help you decide what fits your family.
- Get close first. Give the direction when you have your child's attention, not from another room.
- Keep it short and specific. "Shoes on, please" is often easier than "go get ready."
- One step at a time. For multi-step tasks, give the next step once the first is done.
- Notice the finish, not just the "okay." A quick "You got your shoes on, thank you!" helps connect agreeing with doing.
- Plan for the hard part. If leaving play is the sticking point, a short warning or a "first shoes, then ball" can help.
Three questions to ask your child's team
If this pattern is showing up in your home, here are three questions you can bring to your BCBA or therapy team:
- "Which step is breaking down for my child: understanding, starting or finishing?"
- "Does this happen in therapy too, or mostly at home? What's different?"
- "What's one change we can try at home this week, and how will we know if it's working?"
Good questions help the team build a plan around your real day, not just what happens in a therapy session.
How ABA can help with following directions
At Traina Behavioral, programs are built around each child's strengths and what matters most to their family. For direction-following, that may include breaking tasks into smaller steps, practicing in everyday routines, and coaching parents on how to give directions and respond when tasks are finished.
This can happen at our Langhorne center, at home, at school or out in the community, depending on what makes sense for your child. Parent and caregiver training is part of the plan, so the skills carry over into your daily routines.
Supporting Bucks County families with everyday routines
If "okay" and then nothing is a daily story in your home, we'd be glad to talk it through. Our team at our Langhorne, PA center works with families across Bucks County and nearby areas.
Have a question about your child? Book a free 10-minute call with our clinical director or call (215) 346-6822. You can also learn more about how we approach ABA therapy or in-home ABA.
